Cervical Cancer Stage 3B - Finding out I had Cervical Cancer

So, it is almost two years since I was diagnosed with stage 3b Cervical Cancer and I thought it was about time I shared my story, I’m no writer so you may have to stick with me and ignore any mistakes I make. If I had known more, understood my body then my cancer could have been stopped sooner. I want others not to make the mistakes I made. So I will start my first blog from before my symptoms surfaced.

My life was fine, good even. I had a home, a job and a healthy 10 year old son. I was single but content. I had an amazing family and two of the best friends in the world, Becky and Emily. I was heading in the right direction. 

Work life was good. I seemed to be getting better and better at my job. As a result my responsibilities went up but so did my wage. I worked in a small office in Halifax, it was a 9-5 role within a B2B marketing agency and I could see a long, successful career ahead of me. I loved it.

My son, Jordan,  was so happy. He had finally gotten over his dad being… well not being anything to him. He had great friends and was doing very well in school. My little geek and I couldn’t be any more proud. He was, and still is, kind, caring, clever and cheeky all in one

I was still hurting following a break up three years earlier, I thought I’d found ‘my one’ in a guy named Joe but it wasn’t meant to be and although I still loved him, I had finally excepted we were over. I had finally started dating again. It was my first time ever actually dating and it was like another world. Getting dressed up and going out for meals and/or drinks. I felt confident, pretty and was enjoying my life.

My two best friends, who are like the other two sides to my triangle were as awesome as always. We had, again still have, the best kind of friendship. Loyalty, trust, fun and no judgment. When three become one, what more do you need?

To summarise, I was a happy and healthy 28 year old single mother. I made my own money and was providing my son and I a good life. I had always had a good appetite and could eat like a horse. I played squash once a week, did lots of walking and was generally very happy, active and healthy. I was working my way up in the world and didn’t think anything could stop me. I had big dreams. I wanted to fly!

It all started to change in October 2015, though I didn’t realise it at the time. 

For years, I had considered myself very tough, I wasn’t well known with any doctors and I just got up and got on with things when I didn’t feel well. I didn’t take sick days or medication. People didn’t need to hear about every ache and pain I had. I was harder than that! Right?

Wrong I guess. I started to get ‘period type pains’ almost all of the time. My stomach and back were almost constantly aching, it wasn’t unbearable so I just took pain killers and carried on as normal. I kept the pains to myself, surely it’s just a bug, I’m hard and will get over it. That worked fine until my period started, as normal at the end of October 2015.

But it never stopped! From that moment my bleeding increased, I had to go from tampax to pads and even then, I was leaking through and having to change them far too often. I started missing work as I couldn’t leave the house in case I leaked through even more clothes. Along with the bleeding, my pain got worse, unbearable at times but I still ignored it daily. Then on a night, once my son was tucked up in bed, I’d curl into a ball and cry until I slept. No matter how many times I told myself it would pass it just didn’t get better. 

I was constantly in pain and loosing so much blood, I never felt hungry and soon realised all my clothes were getting big, or should I say I was getting skinny. I wanted to sleep all the time and the bleeding just made it so I couldn’t pretend any more. I felt like I was going crazy. My son had started to notice and it broke my heart to see him worry about me. I spoke to my friends and family who convinced me to see my first doctor. 

From November 2015 to March 2016 I saw numerous doctors but was continually told it’s a hormone problem, try these tablets and take this medicine. Here’s another sick note! Nothing worked and no matter how many times I asked no one would give me a smear. I had to visit A&E on 6 occasions due to the pain and bleeding but no one would listen to me. I felt judged, like I was making up problems that weren’t really there.

Every doctor I saw made me feel like I was a silly little girl with period issues but by this time I knew. I knew it was more, I don’t know how, but I knew I had cancer.

I joked to my family and friends about what would happen to my son when I died, who he’d live with and what they’d tell him about me. No-one new I was serious and I didn’t know how to make anyone see that I was crying out for help and the only way I knew to talk about it was through jokes.

I woke up on Friday 4th March 2016 and the bleeding had stopped. Wow! The pain was still there and I was tiered but those symptoms, they were nothing, I could hide them. I got myself up and dressed, did the school run and jumped on a bus to go to work. I wasn’t having another sick day! 

The morning at work was… ok, the pain was slowly getting worse but I could pretend I was ok. Then I felt the bleeding start again and my skirt getting wet, I was leaking again and getting hot and dizzy. I stood up, wrapped my coat around my waist to hide the blood, got straight on the bus to the hospital and went into to A&E.

I was given a room and drip straight away. Set up with a canular in case I needed a blood transfusion and left alone. Finally, I thought! Someone is going to help me. Two hours later and I was in the same room, no doctor had been. Alone again. I’d called my mum to make sure she was ok to look after my son and the two sides of my triangle, Becky and Emily. They were in my room within half an hour. 

By the time they got there, I had seen the doctor who had once again told me it was a hormone issue, I was given a new set of medication and was just packing to leave having been told, “it’s nothing”. I was in hysterics, crying in anger at how ill I was and not understanding why no one else could see it. Emily and Becky told me to sit down, “You are not leaving here until someone finds out what is going on!” 

They were like guard dogs. I know that sounds wrong but they were loyal, tough and I felt safe. They insisted I get to see another doctor and that a scan needed to be done. They got there way. I had the scan. A doctor, to this day I don’t know her name, came to my room. She told me that they could see something on the scan but it was probably nothing so I should go home and book an appointment with my GP. AGAIN. 

Enter guard dogs. They, in a very polite manner, told the doctor that whatever was seen in my scan needs to be looked at now. They explained how long I had been this way and that it wasn’t ‘just hormones’, there was no point in sending me back to my GP. This doctor told us to Google it, that we were wrong. Well I already had Googled it and ‘just hormones’ didn’t appear in any search. Then she left. This doctor, whoever she is, just left and told me to go home. 

Is it me? Am I exaggerating? I should just man up! NO! NOT ANY MORE.

Becky and Emily. My heroes, refused to let me go home, I don’t know who they spoke to or what they did but the next thing I know, an appointment in the gynaecology ward to discuss my scan had been booked for Monday at 9am. I was going to Emily’s house for the weekend and she was bringing me back Monday morning. So, just one more weekend of blood and pain and then… 

Monday came… I’ve never been so unhappy to be told I was right…

Everything was different at this appointment. All the doctors were lovely. Everyone wanted to help me. I was told that yes, something had been found on my scan but they were still waiting to hear from another department what it was. But in the meantime, I would be given an internal to see if they could see anything. My internal lasted less than 30 seconds. The blood pored out and the doctors face told me that she now knew too. I haven't been exaggerating, I was right.

She could see a large mass on my cervix and no longer needed my scan results to know that it was cancer. She was lovely, I was tearing up but simply wanted to know what I had to do now. So she simply gave me the facts. I will have a biopsy and MRI. These would tell me what stage, how big, if it had spread. It would also tell me what treatment, if any was available. These doctors were amazing! I’d finally been given an answer and my appointments were booked. Someone was finally going to help me. 

But now I had Cervical Cancer and if I’d had one internal over the last few months it would have been found earlier and it may have been smaller. I should have had a smear!!!

Next came the longest two weeks of my life. I had to wait for my biopsy and MRI before anyone knew if anything could be done. These two weeks nearly destroyed me. It was two weeks of being scared, sad, angry and they are just some of the head spinning feelings I felt. So many thoughts went through my mind and I didn’t want anyone to know how scared I was and how much worse my pain was getting…

“ What’s next? I have cancer!  I’m going to leave my son alone, he needs me! Am I dying? Will I work again? How will my family cope if I die? My friends? Where’s Joe. No, I’m strong! I’ll fight! I’ll win! But what if I lose? Will everyone see me suffer. Don’t let them know you are scared. Be strong for them. Can I cope? Will my son cope? He needs me! Is it my fault! Why me? Where’s Joe!”

Well that's the start of my cancer journey and it feels good to have started getting all this down and excited to tell more of my story. Deep down I knew I could beat cancer. I was strong and new that I had to simply get on with whatever needed to be done and survive.

This was just the start, things got worse, then better and so much has changed. Watch this space!